yoodi's posts with tag: intimacy
The driver turned on his radio without even asking me whether I would mind if he listened to some music. I sat in the back seat not really caring and closed my eyes. Soon I heard through my closed eyes the not so old driver started humming to this unknown song. I sighed silently but let him had his moment of joy. I was just too exhausted to even mind his out of tune humming and kept my eyes closed and tried to get a moment of sleep. Luckily the out of tune hummer knew where to take me when I told him earlier about my address.
"Good, then don't even bother to ask me which route I want to take, okay. I want to sleep" I said.
"I can't promise you we don't get stuck in traffic" he replied trying to build some way out of getting the blame in case we got stuck in a rush hour traffic jam.
"Don't you turned into a politician on me, will you?" I sarcastically said to him. "The whole damn city is a traffic jam at this hour, so don't you worry about getting the blame to some broken promises" I continued with even a higher tone of cynicism.
"Everyone is a damn politician" I sighed silently and slouch back in the back seat.
The unknown song has gone and replace by another unknown song. The humming loyally followed another alien tune. I moved my hand from a folding position to my side and started to feel the surface of the vinyl backseat of the cab with my palm.
"Felt so different from leather" I started to thought about the feeling of genuine animal skin and tried to formed a scent of real leather in my sleepy head.
Suddenly I heard a familiar song I knew from a long time ago came out from the radio. My mind started to go with the mood and feeling slightly nostalgic. The driver was still doing his out of tune humming.
"Stop it dude, I know this one" I said.
"Sorry ?" he replied
"Stop the noise you're making, it ruined the song" I said, this time louder.
"Ah, you have memory with this song, huh? he grinned from behind the rear view mirror.
"Yes and you are destroying a beautiful picture so shut up !" I said.
"Okay...okay happy daydreaming" he said, this time the grinned grew wider.
"Jerk !" I cursed silently.
I closed my eyes again and started feeling the moodiness brought by the song, awakening some strong feelings about the past. I smiled and continued to enjoy the ride to the past. The song seemed to evoke all the senses in me and brought back my addictions to emotional pleasure and pain as well.
"the delights of sensuality " I whispered silently.
The song was over and replace by a voice of a radio announcer. The driver switched to several other stations before he stopped at one that was playing another alien song.
"Now you can make the noise again" I told him.
"I don't like this one" he said.
"Good, then don't make the noise" I said in an ordering tone.
"Okay sir !" he said.
The previous nostalgic song somewhat made my sleepiness gone away and replaces it with a few physical and emotional tingling feelings. The imaginary leather I felt just now brought me to a touching of skin scene on a leather sofa somewhere. I could hear the soft whispering noise of a movie unwatched on the TV and movement beneath a soft thin wool blanket.
I close my eyes tighter as if to fight the humming noise that has started again so it won't wrecked the sofa scene. It worked and I started to drowned in deeper emotions. This time it was the scent of wet grass shortly after a morning rain coming in from an open window, This has brought another scene of white bed sheets and scent of musky body odor mixed with freshly brewed coffee.
"Caffeine maybe has always been a stimulating experience, but that and the scent of rain and the sight of naked skin..." I couldn't even continued with my thought and instead sighed again as I got more intoxicated in a mix of emotional pleasure and pain.
I read somewhere that people who are exceptionally sensual live for the moment and are not hung up on the future or the past.
"Bullshit !" I cursed within.
What life has to offer is all about expectations of the future and pain of the past. Without them there won't be any strong feeling to relate to and all the five human senses won't mean anything.
"It won't be living" I concluded.
But then I thought again, the strong senses that made me drowned in emotions without a life vest won't mean anything either since I realized I felt it so strongly because I'm alone !.
"Damn senseless sensuality" I screamed, still silently.
"Okay sir, we're here" the driver said.
I paid him the fare and left a big tip. It was raining again outside. Wet and damp and yes it smelled nice. I finally concluded that I rather keep finding the smell of rain pleasing or the taste of fresh marmalade soothing even though they brought me pain. I got out of the cab and heard the hummer thanking me.
"Thank you boss, you're very kind" he said.
"Your welcome, you made me a very unhappy person" I said and closed the door.
 | Ouch ! | Feb 23, '07 9:05 PM
for everyone |
 most often sleepless when reality fled the hidden beauty in sadness is the "missing you" unsaid
damn the plaster
it's only first aid
i'll make it all better
without the bandage
image: Ouch! tin can plaster. Available at Aksara Book Store. Product by Worldwide Co.
The speakers not far above me was announcing the flight to Greece. I sat still on my bench and deeply inhaled the smoke from my Marlboro in the small aquarium - like smoking cubicle.
I looked at my watch and took a mental note of the time and calculating the time I have left before I required to hand in my boarding pass to that petite but full - bodied and sensual looking ground crew attendant with the high splitting body hugging qi pao dress. I decided that there is still enough time to look for a nice cozy corner table and order a cup of espresso.
I stood up from my bench and carrying my only hand carry luggage which is my backpack laptop case I walked toward the nearest pub and started to search for an empty corner table. I could immediately see all corner tables were empty as if they were waiting for me and watching me smoking myself to death in that see through glass cubicle. I chose the corner table located nearest to the gate and next to the Deli Shop. After ordering my single espresso I again heard the announcement for the flight to Greece.
My mind then formed a picture of one of the Greek island, Santorini and the blinding all white cubism buildings stacked on a towering cliff facing the sea. Opened window to a white cemented balcony with colorful flowers growing from a clay pot. The sound of seagulls was heard together with the sea breeze bringing the smell of the ocean onto the balcony and into the bedroom with oversize bed that has a slept - in look from the rumpled white sheets. The morning sun is accompanying a small breakfast table with white tablecloth and two cups of coffee and plates of toasted bread. I could see the image of butter and a stack of pancakes with maple syrup at one side of the table eagerly awaiting for whoever made it moments ago to taste the rich mix of flour and milk together with sweet honey.
My espresso came and momentarily disturb me from that nice imagery of morning breakfast at that terrace by the sea. I took small sip of my espresso and start looking around my corner table. I stop at the direction of the Deli Shop next to my table and could sniff the smell of the typical delicatessen products being display at the rack closest to me. My eyes then caught the sight of the name plate of the shop, PJ Deli.
I looked closer at the racks and could see a line of small bottled jams that were lining up on the top shelf of the rack. Looking very closely now at the line up bottles I could see a yellow color bottle of marmalade jam. As if knowing I was looking at it the marmalade bottle seemed to willingly opened its close cap and offered the sweet scent of fresh orange skin toward my direction. This flow of smell formed an intimate union of scents with my espresso which made my blood rush and almost unconsciously I started to deeply sniff my espresso as if I worship that small cup of coffee.
I knew now what to add to the white clothed breakfast table in the balcony facing the sea, a bottle of marmalade jam. That fresh marmalade scent will flow inside to the white sheet oversize bed and formed a perfect union with the left over intimate smell from the night before.
As I took my last sip I heard my flight was being announced. I stood up and walked toward that ground crew attendant who was busy checking the boarding pass of the passengers getting into the jetbrige. As the distance to where she stood became nearer, I wondered what she would looked like lying in that oversize bed. Her skin half covered with white sheet in an all white cubism style house by the sea, mixed with the scents of marmalade skin from the breakfast table in a white balcony blew in by the morning sea breeze.
Image Source: http://www.ikies.com/studios/studios1.jpg
 “Hi” …
“Allo” she said, with a French accent.
“Mind if I sit here?”
“No, go ahead” she said blowing her smoke.
We were both in a smoking section of an airport waiting for our flights. I noticed her shoes, nice Adidas. A pair of simple black shoes with three white stripes which she worn over ankle socks.
“Where are you flying to?” I tried to make small conversation as I lighted my cigarette.
“Back home to France” she said. “And you?” “Kuala Lumpur” I said. “Ah, we should be on the same flight, my flight stop over in Kuala Lumpur” she continued.
“Nice shoes, where did you get it?”
“In France” she replied shortly.
“Cool shoes, what series is that?” I continued asking her about the shoes.
“I really don’t know” she replied kind of apologetically.
“They look really nice, I like them” I said.
“Merci” she said with a smile.
It’s a simple conversation taken place while sharing a smoke on a bench waiting for a late night international flight. Neither one of us is likely to feel any kind of intimacy from that kind of an experience. It was an exchange between a genuine interest over a pair of sporty Adidas and a return of information which was not really helpful but at least was honest answers.
But what if the swing of event were different? What if faith has it that I was also flying to France instead of just getting off in Kuala Lumpur? The sharing of a bench could extend into a sharing of a long flight.
“So, what will you be doing in France?” she asked.
“Working, I come to see some shots of food ingredients for a TV commercial” said I.
“Hmm, that sounds like an interesting commercial. You work in advertising? She asked again.
“You look good in those shoes” I complemented her as I nodded my head to answer her last question. “Me too, I work in a marketing field also, but mostly digital. I design web….. you really like these shoes?” she said as she lifted both her legs a little. I nodded my head again. She smiled and said "yes, they are actually my fave shoes too"
“Yes, its so you. So? I mean you work in digital marketing? I used to be involved in that too” I told her. “What’s so me… my work?” she asked. “No, the shoes” I said. She laughed and said ”and just how would you know that, Mr. Ad Man?”.
I laughed too and shrugged my shoulders. “I have no idea why I said that. Just a silly hunch, I get them sometimes”. I said as I rose from the bench. “We still have a long wait for our flight” I looked at my watch. “Yes, it will still be for awhile, are you going in?” she asked me. “No, I want to get some coffee, you want one?” I said.
“I would love some” she said.
“Black?” I asked again. “That’s another good hunch, yes. Thank you” she said.
“Be right back, then”. I walked towards a standing bar that still open along side a row of closed Duty Free Shops.
The cigarette has long gone but the conversation lingers on. This could be just another simple conversation over a mutual admiration over a pair of shoes between two people who happens to be involved in similar works. That and the coffee that would follow could create an innocent intimacy or at least comfort over the dreading wait for the two late night travelers.
“Here’s your coffee” I handed her a closely lid cup of coffee.
“and by the way, I’m Shai…Shai Bastara” I introduce myself.
“Merci, I’m Patna Jane” she said as she took the coffee and shakes my hand.
“Cool initial…PJ. Can I call you PJ?” I said grinning.
“PJ it is…and you’re Shai, right?” she grins back at me.
“Sometimes in some situation but right now I’m not shy with you” I winked as I sip my coffee. She laughed at the slipped of the tongue to my name.
“your coffee okay PJ?”
“you know what Shai, these shoes would look nice on you too….yes the coffee is fine. But I am thinking a cold beer would be nice now”
“I think they come in men’s sizes too, don’t they? cold beer definitely is another good idea”
“maybe we’ll have one on board later?” she said.
“where are you sitting PJ?”
“should be around the second or third row…..I always like to seat as close to the front as I can” she explained.
“I’m around there too I think”. I remembered I asked for a front seat too when checking in tonight. I started to look at my boarding pass and the little sticker that says 7 C. An aisle seat.
“I think I’m going to get one too” I said as I showed her my boarding pass.
“what Shai? the beer?” she looks at my boarding pass and waves hers that has 6 D on it.
“ no PJ, the shoes…I have this funny feeling that I’m going to get one too”.
“yes get one, that way we’ll then have something in common” she said.
“that would be nice, wouldn’t it? I mumbled to myself not really knowing what I’m saying.
The boarding announcement came over the speakers. “That’s us Shai…let’s go”. We walked towards the gate with me helping her carry one of her bags. We stand on line with the other passengers entering the cabin. Our seat turns out to be one row apart on opposite side of the plane. It wasn’t a very full plane as we both have no one sitting next to us.
“hey you ” I came over to her seat after the seatbelt sign is off.
“hey you too” she look up from her seat.
“can I sit here with you?”
“yes I would love the company” she said.” it’s going to be a long journey, isn’t it?” she said again as I sit next to her.
“Pfffff, very long PJ….maybe it would feel shorter if we both share some cold beers”
“yes let’s ask for some, Shai”
The pretty dyed blonde stewardess with dark sharp eyes typical of women from the Arabic Peninsula brought us two cold Heinekens.
“here’s to PJ and her nice Adidas” I toast to her.
“here’s to sharing our long journey together, Shai. And a safe flight”
”yes a safe flight PJ”
“nothing can be predictable but yes Shai, a safe flight where everyone including you will arrive safely at your destination “
“you have a good heart PJ” "Cheers" We both said it at the same time.
We talked about work and discussed some of the movies featured during the flight. Dinner was served and we had some more Heinekens afterwards. The cabin light is turned low and most of the passengers are asleep. I am reading my book while PJ is busy doing some sketches for a web layout.
“you want a blanket PJ?”
“yes, it’s getting a bit chilly”
“Yes I know. Here’s your blanket”
“I’m going to get some sleep Shai. You?”
“Maybe read a few more pages. Go ahead, I catch up later”
“Okay, be here when I wake up?” she grinned at me
“Yup, with another cold beer for you” I grinned back at her.
“ mmm….you have a good heart, Shai. See you later”
The plane is high above the Atlantic flying through dark night. It is a long journey to Paris with a stop over in Kuala Lumpur and Dubai. Sharing a journey could add more burdens with the excess luggage of your companion or for having to attend some silly needs for blanket or additional cold beers. Probably even an unintentionally slip of tongue on some wrong hunches which might cause minor irritation.
But the comfort of it all and the sharing of common interest between traveling partner beat the hell out of all that burdens. Especially if we are taking a long journey of life with its unknown destination. All we have is the sharing of something in common and faith in our traveling partner. An open heart is a good heart…….it dances and travels
.
 The figure stood there in the dark half illuminated by the lamp clock coming from the access ramp. Its long figure stretch out in the night in a stand still yet fervently awaited a charge of energy that produced some mechanical thrust of solid throbbing piston like movement that will take it to reach an excited destination. Once in a while there were hissing sounds of breathless grunt that came from the pulsating broiler working over time. The steady flow of energy produced sent a wave of heat throughout the complex blood veins like maze and added the thick humidity already hanging in the damp and sticky air. The figure appeared to stretch further as the hissing sounds exhaled a rush of excess heat like warm breath cutting through a cold winter air. As it stretched and vibrate the figure came to life when the unseen force within created motion at slow steady pace. It was as if the slow burning coal from the broiler commanded all the mechanical muscles to moved action and in reaction with such perfect precision. As the pace increased the scent of wet and slippery lubrication from inside the axis grew stronger while clatter of motions grew louder and faster in orchestra – like harmony echoing the combustion of more heat breathing into the night. Fully charged motion at steady pace was moving with yet unknown destination but with controlled precision as if it was afraid to lose the power that would break the already perfect mechanical movement. Working in deep intimacy with one another, every mechanical muscles and its counter – part explored the crucial spot of every protruding parts to discover multiple height of momentums as the motion raced with time. Traveling through this seemingly unending journey the momentum reached certain new height gestured by a floating like bursting explosion that caused the motion to slowly relax and finally arrived at a complete halt. The figure again turned into a stand still while letting out last excess of hot steams into the night. With its now well lubricated axis the figure approached a silence station with its empty benches. The dark cold night once more accompanied the now lone figure staring at another lamp clock eagerly awaiting its next embarkation with anticipation of yet another breathtaking destination. Picture sources: Train - SORE's debut album "Centralismo" cover design by Mayumi Haryoto Woman and Clock - Louis Vitton Print Ad (source N/A)
| |
